The Mailbox

I really used to look forward to the arrival of the mailman.  That was before I had to worry about bills and sorting through lots of junk mail to make sure I didn't miss any.  I'd get postcards from my kids if they were traveling; cards from cousins, photos taken by friends and best of all, once in a great while, a letter actually written by hand.  But that was long ago......Today e-mails replace the personal forms of communication so the mail is largely bills and ads.  So I have radically adjusted my excitement quotient when going to the mailbox and figure it's a good day if a magazine I actually ordered arrives, or if I get coupons that save me money at local restaurants.

But going to the mailbox today was a real downer.  I retrieved a magazine, one bill and a cellophane-wrapped packet of cards that looked like it might contain some good coupons.  So I ripped open the cellophane and at first, things didn't look too bad.  There was an ad for people 60+ for a 12-day cruise to the Caribbean, some things about furnace and floor cleaning, but it went rapidly downhill from there.  I WAS THE RECIPIENT OF TARGETED MAIL FOR OLDSTERS!

I kid you not--this is what followed:  I  could order a "hand-painted, fully sculpted holster and revolver replica inspired by the one John Wayne carried in his Classic Westerns OR I could "discover the best of times in Good Old Days magazine with a "free issue."

Then, things started getting somewhat depressing:  I  could "instantly take 10 to 15 pounds off" with "magnetic slimming panties"; order non-binding socks for my chronic foot problems; get "easy beautiful, affordable wigs and hairpiecess s"; and most promising of all (although I am not a man) I could call about the "Vacurect" vacuum erection device which is reimbursable by medicare and comes with a lifetime warranty!

It got worse as the cards starting asking me frightening questions:  "Do you have constant ringing in your ears?"; COPD?  chronic bronchitis? emphysema? asthma? back pain?  Offers followed: mechanical remedies for all these chronic conditions such as "gentle catheters", traveling oxygen, hearing aids and hearing aid batteries, life alert buttons, bathtubs with doors to step in, "Hoveround"power chairs and adjustable beds.  I could also qualify for a free blood pressure or a blood glucose monitor.  What luck, I thought.  This was starting to get good, something for free.

But the best was yet to come--the most ingenious device of all-the "Solution ComfortSeat" which helps you "if you are having trouble wiping" due to physical challenges such as arthritis, parkinson's, obesity, hemorrhoids, strokes, AND MORE.  What more could there be?  This ingenious device "allows users to wash themselves clean with the press of a button.  No plumber required!" (I didn't know I needed a plumber to stand by when I went to the bathroom, although I have known several obese persons who probably could have used one).

Then, just when I couldn't stand to see the next card, peace arrived-cremation for only $880.

Tomorrow is Sunday, for which I am very grateful.  No mail delivery.  Maybe ceasing mail delivery on Saturdays IS a good idea.

"The Looking of His Face"

It's been a very long time since I posted. Lots of changes in my life. Returned to Denver and my house; new job; new dog added (Summer, my white dog, passed away in December, 2009), significant other, gone. How does a 67 year old woman respond? Match.com, JDate, Senior People Meet, OKCupid, Chemistry.com, etc., etc.

My son Oliver suggested I write about seniors and dating. Some things are very funny if you don't cry. Other stories will come, but I thought it appropriate to start with this:

When my son Joseph was two or three years old, there was another little boy that he didn't seem to like. Joseph was a friendly kid, so this attitude about the other little boy was quite surprising. His Dad and I inquired as to why he didn't like this kid, to which Joseph promptly replied: "I don't like the looking of his face."

That honest and innocent statement made us laugh and has stayed with me throughout the years. It contains an insight about human nature that endures whether you are two years old or ninety-two.

Malcolm Gladwell wrote about this in his book, "Blink", where he asserts that humans often make a decision about somebody or something in the wink of an eye. We take in what we see and that first impression becomes something very hard to dispel. It is unconscious, but often the basis for a correct decision. However, because this is an unconscious process. the cultural values and prejudices that reside in our conscious mind often negate the unconscious decision.

This insight is probably applicable to the difficult process of selecting a person to communicate with on these dating sites. I have noticed how this process operates in me and obviously, in the opposite sex.

When I am given a "match" to check out, I won't respond to anybody that hasn't posted a picture. It is natural to want to see what you are going to get. When I peruse those gentlemen who have posted pictures, I find myself becoming more particular: looking at the faces before I read the profiles. Like everybody else on these dating sites, I want to find the person whose initial appearance appeals to me. But on second thought, that could be very wrong. I usually read the profiles that accompany the pictures and I am often surprised to find that the person I found homely or slovenly is a person I would really like to meet because he sounds like he has similar interests and abilities.

When I find somebody that appeals to me, I try to write an interesting e-mail that points out what about that person is appealing to me and why I think we would have something in common. More often than not, these lively e-mails go unanswered. So I have been asking myself, is it because these men (many of whom certainly don't look or sound like Prince Charming) don't like "the looking of my face."

This experience has saddened me. Very few people who are in the age ranges of 65-75 are still handsome or beautiful, the way we would hope they would be (with the possible exception of a Clint Eastwood or Meryl Streep). Yet, I find pot-bellied men, bald-headed men, men with canes, thick eyeglasses seeking "toned, beautiful athletic woman....." who is "sensuous, adventurous, passionate."

I saw a great question on one of these sites written by a younger woman and repeated by an older man: "where are all the real people?" Most of us are the real people who have made mistakes in their lives or have lost the loves of their lives unexpectedly. But our culture and values are still telling us to search for the beautiful people.

Oh well, guess I'll have to wait until that special man does "like the looking of my face"!