My son Oliver suggested I write about seniors and dating. Some things are very funny if you don't cry. Other stories will come, but I thought it appropriate to start with this:
When my son Joseph was two or three years old, there was another little boy that he didn't seem to like. Joseph was a friendly kid, so this attitude about the other little boy was quite surprising. His Dad and I inquired as to why he didn't like this kid, to which Joseph promptly replied: "I don't like the looking of his face."
That honest and innocent statement made us laugh and has stayed with me throughout the years. It contains an insight about human nature that endures whether you are two years old or ninety-two.
Malcolm Gladwell wrote about this in his book, "Blink", where he asserts that humans often make a decision about somebody or something in the wink of an eye. We take in what we see and that first impression becomes something very hard to dispel. It is unconscious, but often the basis for a correct decision. However, because this is an unconscious process. the cultural values and prejudices that reside in our conscious mind often negate the unconscious decision.
This insight is probably applicable to the difficult process of selecting a person to communicate with on these dating sites. I have noticed how this process operates in me and obviously, in the opposite sex.
When I am given a "match" to check out, I won't respond to anybody that hasn't posted a picture. It is natural to want to see what you are going to get. When I peruse those gentlemen who have posted pictures, I find myself becoming more particular: looking at the faces before I read the profiles. Like everybody else on these dating sites, I want to find the person whose initial appearance appeals to me. But on second thought, that could be very wrong. I usually read the profiles that accompany the pictures and I am often surprised to find that the person I found homely or slovenly is a person I would really like to meet because he sounds like he has similar interests and abilities.
When I find somebody that appeals to me, I try to write an interesting e-mail that points out what about that person is appealing to me and why I think we would have something in common. More often than not, these lively e-mails go unanswered. So I have been asking myself, is it because these men (many of whom certainly don't look or sound like Prince Charming) don't like "the looking of my face."
This experience has saddened me. Very few people who are in the age ranges of 65-75 are still handsome or beautiful, the way we would hope they would be (with the possible exception of a Clint Eastwood or Meryl Streep). Yet, I find pot-bellied men, bald-headed men, men with canes, thick eyeglasses seeking "toned, beautiful athletic woman....." who is "sensuous, adventurous, passionate."
I saw a great question on one of these sites written by a younger woman and repeated by an older man: "where are all the real people?" Most of us are the real people who have made mistakes in their lives or have lost the loves of their lives unexpectedly. But our culture and values are still telling us to search for the beautiful people.
Oh well, guess I'll have to wait until that special man does "like the looking of my face"!
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